I feel a need to write this before I can get anything done today.
I have recognized that I need to start a sex, gender and sexuality blog, for my own passionate reasons, to be on the side of social justice, to dispel ignorance, to, in the words of Emile Zola, avoid being an accomplice.
I need to break complicity with harmful ideas about sex, gender and sexuality, a little because I think they're wrong, a little because I want to be on the right side of history, but mostly because it's personal. Because these ideas have hurt those I love. Because my own holding of some of these ideas has hurt me. Because they continue to hurt, and the pain they cause is neither necessary or natural.
I have made a (very small and unsuccessful) blog about sports. I'm still not sure what kinds of posts I'll be doing there, though half a dozen are already up. I guess I'll have to have that sort of sex blog too, despite the strong beginnings of this manifesto. There's just so much to write about.
There's my approach to feminism, and the particular traps that beset moving from uncritical acceptance of the culture to a feminist critique holds for men who, like me, happen to be cissexual, heterosexual, white, and at least middle-class.
There's awesome experiences, like what it was like to share my or my partner's first partnered orgasm, or first partner-stimulated orgasm.
There's ideas like how my support for polyamory and my expectations of myself as masculine clash; how my support for queer and non-typical sexual expression clashes with my expectations of myself as responsible for my sexual role; how I suspect that generally people are held back from having sex-positive experiences, or being excellent allies, by a sort of self-directed bigotry or a need to show that "normal" people can unselfishly agitate in favour of "non-normal" people.
There's stories about learning to spank and tie up people, about watching masters of kinky craft as a fan or their work, about group sexual settings, even a threesome. There's ideas that swirl around those things too.
I want to share with the world how I fuck, how it is different from the way many of us are taught that we ought to fuck, how I give lie to many harmful commonplaces about men and women, aggression and sex, slut-shaming and rape culture, BDSM and consent, queerness, polyness, love, lust, joy and sadness. I want to show that I, everyone I love, play with, meet, or don't even know of has a right to their own experiences of these things, do do them or not, and that there is no objectively proper way to interact with any of these things.
I will be indebted to the many writers who have sparked my feelings about this subject. I wish to particularly mention the wonder sex-positive, anti-opression people at Yes Means Yes, at No Seriously What About Teh Menz, at The Pervocracy, The Good Men Project, and Captain Awkward. You are in my internet bookmarks lists many times over, and also hold a place in my heart. {Links to be posted after exam period is over. There are limits to even my scholastic procrastination}
But I will be most indebted to everyone who ever taught me about sex, love, and justice; and to my inspiration (she knows who she is).
Now, onward, to some time when I know what I am doing!
